A Strangling Winter

Other things
When the sand turns to glass, and all that's left is the past, I will love you still.
Other things
Take from me my disbelief
I know it should come easily
But it remains inside of me
It battles and devours me
It cuddles up beside of me
In whispers, it convinces me
Other things
Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.
Other things
As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone.
Other things
If love's a word that you say Then say it, I will listen.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Doctor's Visit
"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something better tomorrow." -- Orison Swett Marden, American Writer

I awoke to an e-mail from my boyfriend Ethan, written when he'd returned home from work after midnight. While I realize that the private jokes may defy understanding, I still want to share the lovely sentiments with you, dear internet. And so, without further ado:

Dear Aurelie:

First things first: MOO.

On a more serious note, I love you. You are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. You are the reason I strive to better myself. We both have our good and bad days but the one thing we can both rely on is each other. When I need an ear you are always there for me, when you need me to beat up your brother...well we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Almost every night when I am driving home from work I think about what it would be like coming home to you. Although it would be late and most of the time you would be sleeping, just having the opportunity to be close to you is exhilarating. I want you to know that whatever the test results are, nothing will change. I will still love you with everything I have.

Love always,

My parents drove me to the doctor's office, while I sat silently in the backseat. It had already been decided that my father would remain in the car, as parking at the physician's office is often difficult. My mother, on the other hand, would accompany me to the actual appointment. Despite being a doctor myself, sometimes a girl just needs her momma for moral support. When my name was called, we walked back to the examining room. I undressed, while my mother took a seat on a nearby stool. The assistant handed me a consent form, which recommended that you reconsider the procedure if you have heart disease, a clotting disorder, various other medical conditions and extreme anxiety. Extreme anxiety?! Aren't you testing me for cervical cancer? I'm not exactly in a calm and serene state at the moment, you'll have to forgive me.

The doctor entered the room and asked my mother to vacate the stool near my feet and take a seat near my head. I was glad she requested this because, as much as I love my mother, there is no need for her to watch the doctor poking around in the ol' bajingo. And poke around she did. I'll spare you the gory details, dear internet, but it is my firm belief that the speculum is actually a medieval torture device and any time a doctor tells you you're going to feel "a little pressure" you should brace yourself for some pain.

After peering through the microscope, the doctor indicated that she'd found two spots she'd like to biopsy. I will get those results sometime within the next week. In addition, she explained that the previous test had categorized my abnormal cells as "high-grade", the type that are most likely to lead to cancer if left unchecked. As a result, whether it's high-grade cells or cancer, the odds are favorable that I will need to have a cone-shaped piece of my cervix removed. So, as you can imagine, I'm more than a little freaked out about that.

I truly covet your prayers and positive thoughts as I begin another week of waiting. I am so thankful to have the support of my family, friends, and hopefully faithful blog readers like you!


posted by Aurelie @ 6:57 PM  
  • At August 6, 2009 at 8:16 PM, Blogger Jes said…

    Just stopping by and read your blog. Thanks for visiting mine, and Ill be watching for your dog (Perhaps on Friends and Family Friday's). You are very courageous to blog about what you are going through, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • At August 6, 2009 at 8:23 PM, Blogger Alexis said…

    Thanks for the follow, and WELCOME!!!

    I'll be praying for you!

  • At February 27, 2010 at 8:57 PM, Blogger HD said…

    I see this is an older post but I can relate. I bawled through that entire procedure only to have the Dr's assistant stare at me like I was a freak.

    I'll read more later but I hope you're doing better. (o:

  • At February 27, 2010 at 9:42 PM, Blogger Aurelie said…

    Thanks HD! Between the colposcopy and the biopsy, I shed my share of tears too!

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